Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
We're dreaming of a White Christmas in the Carolinas,
Something we seldom see,
I've only had one in my 39+ years.
I'm actually dreaming of lots of things right now -
A little time to myself,
reconnecting with friends who mean so much,
looking forward to the new year to
reconnect with the real me again,
The past few months have been almost like a snowball-
rolling events together everyday until it becomes
this huge overwhelming orb that I can no longer carry;
When my best is never enough,
regardless that I've given my absolute all.
This morning was another overwhelming life event -
For the past several months, I've been trying to move
to another position within our company.
Today was my second interview.
Few things are more nerve-wracking
than an interview with a panel of people all asking questions.
I tried to do my best, which wasn't really all that good today.
Regardless, the decision is made. Now, more waiting while
life continues to pound away at my little world.
"Life" has kept me away from my writing for far too long.
I've been looking everyday, around the world at all my friends
sharing your lives, sharing the beauty around you.
Hopefully, I can rejoin you all very soon!!
Friday, December 18, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
My youngest son is shy, but there is so much to him, even if he doesn’t show it to everyone. He is an artist and an author, a hunter and an aspiring chef. I’m getting inspired already. My husband on the other hand, is so many things I just don’t know where to begin. You’ll see them soon.
Other things close to my heart are writing, traveling, hiking/kayaking - anything outdoors really, and photography, of course. We’ve spent much of the past two summers traveling to waterfalls, mountain ranges and lakes. What an enchanting life we really live.
Recently, we spent a whole week in a cabin on Lake Glenville with my husband’s family.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
on Lake Glenville, which is just gorgeous!!
There are also 3 waterfalls on the lake,
More mountains photos to come!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Thank You, Cathy!!!
And, Thank You Shelagh!!! What a great idea you had!!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Sweet Buddy who meets me at the door
Sailboats tied to the dock,
Beagle Puppies, Fried Flounder,
Sweet Tea on a hot day,
Moma’s Thanksgiving Turkey Dinner,
Watching for nightfall on the back porch,
The Blue Ridge Mountains,
Watching the light of the sunset filter through the trees,
Listening to your voice as the story of your life slowly unfolds,
Hearing the waves lap along the shore while
Sweet, Long Kisses, Surprise hugs from behind,
Watching a baby sleep,
The moon reflecting off the ocean all the way to the shoreline,
Writing my thoughts out,
Art Museums, Good Friends,
Hearing Bossman say - “You did a Great Job!”
Holding your baby for the first time,
The color Red, The Coastline of Italy,
Candle-lit dinners, Kayaking,
Sharing popcorn while we watch the same old movies
Seeing my son perform a concert in “Rock Star” mode,
Hearing my husband sing me a love song,
A Chaise Lounge, Looking at Stars,
Mountain Streams, River Rocks,
Roses, Weddings, Snowcreme,
The feeling of being “In Love”,
The Sound of baby birds,
The sky before sunrise,
Searching for the ISS,
Nature Trails, Holding Hands,
Any movie with Meg Ryan,
A Silver Maple Tree in the Fall,
The Wrens in the Blue Bird box,
A Sleeping Porch, A new dress,
Windchimes, Pin Oak Trees,
My son’s artwork,
A friend’s voice - just when you need it,
Long talks on the phone,
Real handwriting from a pen pal,
Wrapping paper and ribbons,
Clean, fresh sheets,
Your husband rocking your baby to sleep,
New art supplies, Wild blackberries,
Tulips blooming in the Spring,
The family gathering for the Holidays,
New Year’s Eve parties,
Fireworks over a lake, you get to see them twice,
Hay on the rolling hills near home,
Christmas Morning, Sleeping In,
Taking a child to the Zoo or Aquarium,
Valentine’s Day, Rainbows,
Blue Eyes, Hot Air Balloons,
Baby deer that still have their spots,
Listening to a really hard rain shower,
The smell after the rain,
A man who loves me unconditionally,
A week’s vacation in a mountain cabin on a private lake,
Someone who really listens,
Roasting marshmallows over a flame,
A great love story,
Little girl’s Easter dresses,
Time to let my thoughts wonder,
The smell of the ocean,
Freckles across a child’s nose,
A field full of black cows,
When my son plays the Blues on his guitar,
Sea shells and looking for sharks teeth
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
We’ve had a couple of really hard weeks. They felt like they would stop my poor heart from beating for sure. We finally went to family counseling yesterday. We should have gone a long time ago. It is possible that my ‘superman’ son may be bi-polar. Yes, I knew he had some tendencies that resembled this, but I just didn’t want to admit it. Who wants to think you own son will have to fight a life- long battle that sometimes he will not win.
My husband was right again. He always is. If only I could just trust him in the beginning, life would go so much smoother. I just kept trying to fix everything. After all, it seems like it is my job to “finish” my son, as if he is a production of mine. Yes, I want him to be complete when he steps out into this world alone, but he is not mine to complete. I can only give him his beginning. I can honestly say; and he would agree, that I did all that was humanly possible to give him a good start.
My son, you have done well, you have held out strong among all the pressures of being a teenager. We couldn’t be prouder of you. You can do anything, you can make anything happen, more than anyone else I know. We are still here for you whenever you need us. I can’t save you and rescue you when you run yourself to the point of exhaustion. I can’t make you eat and rest so you will be ready for your next endless day of being all you can be. I can only watch what you will become and hope that you remember the strong foundation we laid for your life.
So I lay down my weapons, and will fight you no more. Please fogive me for trying so hard to help you, when I was really only hurting you further. I accept you as you are, a complete package, a whole person. You are whole because you truly are filled with love. Love makes us broken people whole. It is love that fills in the cracks of our broken hearts. So I offer you true, unconditional love for your whole life. I only wish you peace on your journey. I’ll always be here to listen, and love you always.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Happy Father's Day, Daddy!!
My dad on the left and my Granddad on the right
with fish caught at the Chesapeake Bay in 1969.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Sirens are blaring from the streets below my third floor window. Everyday, it is the police or fire trucks. Usually on a false alarm when they are near our building, just for precautions sake. Or possibly for a wreck on a nearby hyway.
The parking lot below is full of downtown workers leaving for home. They talk together as they walk fast across the lots to get to the parking decks. We have extra people out today, protesters. Think I'll walk out the back door when I leave.
The cleaning ladies outside my closed door. The clock on the wall... ticking my life away. The pounding voice of the life I want and can't have.
All the memories that I carry with me and can't seem to put away or outrun.
My friend telling me just today I should "work to live, and not live to work". Yes, sometimes I leave it all at work, and have nothing left over to carry home, or to take care of myself with.
My son's voice ringing in my ears for all the things he wants, and the things we won't give him, or faciltate for him. All the ways he compares himself to all those around him, who he thinks has a better life.
The soft calls of nature beckoning me to come back as soon as I can. The sounds I need to hear; birds calling in the trees, the babbling of the creeks, the leaves under my shoes, the rushing of the waterfall.
And, of course, the now familiar sound of raindrops.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Until recently, a whole day of watching it rain would send me into a deep state of misery or depression. I would run through the house and open every window blind to try to get more light to come into the house, in vain, of course.
Now it rains almost every evening, and on some days it rains 2 or 3 times a day. The rain is becoming more of a companion now. Only once or twice lately have we had a sunny day, and I find myself thinking it is odd and actually looking for a rain shower. As it warms up into the 80s now, we are having thunder storms every night after dinner.
Luckily, we have not had any flooding where we live, but I do cross a river everyday to go to the city. It looks like a red raging river of liguid clay.
The flowers are really loving it, though!! It has been the greenist year I can remember.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
We dined al fresco at The Loop tonight after a hard day's work. My job is in payroll and can get very tedious. The work seems to never end, and it always has to be done "right now". We have over 2600 employees and that makes for lots of changes every two weeks. I love working for the city, but would prefer to move to another deparment that wouldn't be so time sensitive. When I first got on at the city, it was in another department, and I was the office manager for someone who needed one really badly. It was fun to set everything up and make a work flow from scratch.
My husband, on the other hand, works much harder than I do. I use my mind, and he uses his mind, and his hands, and his back. He remoldels houses, and sometimes does disaster recovery projects. This is basically a new industry that has sprung up in America over the past few years. Whole companies have been started to immediately come out to a house that has burned, or has had storm damage or water damage, and clean up or demolish it, and then rebuild.
So, after a long, hard day for both of us, it was nice to sit out on the porch and have soup, salads, and grilled sandwiches in the evening breeze.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Neil took Buddy and came home and said “Mom, they acted like they didn’t know he was coming, but they had room anyway”. Well, I had made the reservation the week before, so I called and talked with the manager to ask if everything was OK. She said yes, but misunderstood that I said Neil had already dropped him off. I thought I was clear, that is after all why I called in the first place.
So I go to pick him up on Sunday afternoon after all the family had gone their separate ways, and even my son Jonathan left town to go back home with my parents for a week. Everything was settled down and peaceful. Then I enter the pet resort and he said “I bet you’re here for Logan”. I said no, and could tell right away there was a problem.
Buddy was, thankfully, safe and sound, but had been dropped off at his vet instead of the pet boarding place. My son, Neil didn’t pay enough attention to what I said with everything going on. Of course, that is nothing new with 18 year olds especially on their graduation day. After telling him what had happened, his reaction was just “Well, didn’t it cost relatively the same?”
Sweet Buddy loves everyone and was perfectly happy at the Vet’s instead. I just hate the thought of him being in a cage instead of a run the whole weekend. Of course, he had no idea he was in the wrong place.
He is such a sweet, happy, go-lucky dog, he seems just fine.
Buddy is our only pet, and is a 4&1/2 year old mix between a cocker spaniel and a golden retriever. He is fairly small for those breeds and only weighs 32 lbs. He was born 4 days after my Granny died in 2004. We were not looking for a puppy when we saw him at our neighbors, but we were all very sad and lonely. We brought him home when he was about 6 weeks old. He stays indoors with us and usually sleeps under our bed.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
My oldest son is graduating tomorrow from high school and we are giving him a party afterwards. Some of our family members are coming in to visit. My do-it-all husband has been working feverishly to finish up the addition to our house that he started over a year ago.
So everything is changing at our house, and sometimes change (even for the better) can be uncomfortable.
These roses are my neighbor, Loretta’s. They are so beautiful, and they remind me that things will be rosey again.
The weekends will go back to being a time of rest and relaxation in the mountains or along the creek banks.
And very soon we will be out paddling in our kayaks again or biking the nature trails near here. And I will be able to lay down my paint brush and pick up my camera again.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Take me back to the place
Where time moved so slowly.
A time that was so perfect
That it easily could be mistaken for heaven.
A time so dear, yet so far away from me now.
Can I ever return?
Would it be the same to me now?
Though I realize I can never return,
I know that I will never forget the memories
Of my brief encounter of heaven.
By Chris Fishel
How well I remember my time of childhood innocence. A time without responsibilities, when I was the apple of my Father’s eye and all of my grandparents were still living. You are always extra special in your grandparent’s eyes.
Some years my dad would have a great big hot dog roast for my birthday and all my cousins would come over. My birthday is in the summer and we would have such a great time together playing in the sprinkler. I truly lived in the country then, with dirt roads, halter-tops, and barefeet all summer. The woods bordered 2 sides of our house and there were even chickens and horses behind us. We had ducks and dogs and all too frequently come upon snakes in the yard.
So yes, I can remember heaven on earth. I only hope my own children will recall there were some great times that nothing material will ever replace. All my grandparents are gone now, and my parents are far away –even detached from my present life. I’m hoping to find that perfect feeling again, even if it is only for a moment.
Thank you, Chris, for allowing me to post your poem, for pricking my hard heart and making me feel again, and remember the ones I loved long ago. It is still bringing tears to my eyes now. I’m so glad you also had heaven on earth.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
So many influences shape our lives.
There are so many thoughts swirling around my mind and heart, it difficult to choose where to start. Maybe I’ll start at the center of my life - home, and work out from there, to my other interests and hobbies and travels.
All of you in the blogging community have been a real inspiration to me. My first photo blog, http://yadkinvalleyhome.wordpress.com/ was a starting point to express myself sharing photos of our recent travels. Now, maybe I’ll be brave enough to write about the thoughts in my heart. In the beginning, joining an online community was really trying to find a safe place for my mind to land. I get obsessed with things too easily and can’t seem to let them go. So, for distraction sake, I joined Facebook. It’s a great place to connect with friends, but not such a great creative outlet.
That’s when my photoblog became a place to test the waters. In a few short months, I’ve met several other bloggers and have lots of regular traffic. One of the fun parts is finding out all the countries my fellow bloggers come from. How amazing to be reaching around the whole world. It’s so inspiring to see their point of view on their surroundings, and to get glimpses into their lives, and to see their children.
My last entry showed some of my backyard and a farm nearby. We have been working feverishly for a couple of weeks to get ready for a party for my son’s high school graduation. My husband started adding on a dinning room and screen porch about a year ago, and is finally finishing up. I can’t wait to grill out on the deck and have supper in the screen porch while listening to the birds at sunset. Hopefully I’ll have some photos of the finished product very soon.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
This is my backyard and the arbor my husband made for my birthday years ago. We brought it with us when we moved here.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
This has been very fulfilling to me to be able to share part of myself on the web. Now, as I am getting to know several other bloggers, I would also like to share thoughts. Please be patient as I figure out how to use the set-ups on blogspot.